Deforestation
by xXPokeFictionXx
Summary: Wilson, Maxwell, and Wickerbottom win the Gorge with spare time. What do they do with this time? Stupid stuff, obviously! (Crack.)


_**Based on a true story, I'm so sorry for writing this. XD**_

Wickerbottom watched anxiously as Wilson darted around the small kitchen area, gathering the ingredients for some kind of food that he was trying to make. She couldn't quite tell what it was exactly that he was making, but she knew it was some kind of pasta.

"Hey, could you get some more flour please?" Wilson muttered, not turning to face the woman put on farmer's duty as he handed Mumsy a red mark, likely trading with her for some milk. "We're going to run out soon."

"Alright, dear." Wickerbottom replied, gathering some of the wheat that she had been growing and making haste to the grinding mill to turn it into flour.

She paused, noticing that the salt rack had crystals on the string. She quickly collected the minerals and reset the rack, grinding the crystals into salt along with the wheat. She took the newly acquired materials back towards Wilson.

"Salt's up!" She called towards the forest, before dropping off the flour with Wilson. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." She replied. She looked back towards the forest, waiting.

Maxwell appeared from the trees, and Wickerbottom handed him the salt. "Do I get another key with this?" He asked. Wickerbottom nodded.

"You know, you could just check the salt yourself if you wanted. We have plenty of wood, and I bet it'd be less boring than just chopping trees." Wilson chimed in from the kitchen area. Maxwell shook his head, an excited glint in his eye.

"No, it's fine. I'd rather stick to deforestation." He said, a grin across his face. Wickerbottom was unused to seeing the stoic past ruler of the throne this happy, and let out a chuckle. "Alright then, do have fun with that."

Wickerbottom continued tending to the garden as Wilson cooked and Maxwell made his way back to the forest, an unusual spring in his step. She watched as Wilson plated the pasta that he was making; now revealed to be Macaroni and Cheese. He took the pasta, now on a literal silver platter, to the altar of Gnaw, where the food would be directly transported to the beast.

Snackrificed. That's what Wilson had called it, and although the pun was terrible, Mumsy had liked the sound of it. Thus, it had stuck.

The beast consumed the meal, and smiled widely. Its craving had been satisfied, for now. The pair watched as an array of riches fell by the altar. One particular item made Wilson gasp loudly, and Wickerbottom felt her eyes widen as he held up a Gnaw's Favor.

It was the final favor that they had needed to recharge the key.

"We win!" Wilson cried out triumphantly, causing Maxwell to poke his head out from behind the rows of trees.

"We can escape?"

"We can escape!"

Maxwell grinned widely. Finally.

Mumsy handed the newly-charged key to Wilson, who grinned widely at the sight of it. He looked to the altar, and hesitated.

"So… It's time to go?"

"I mean, I don't know…" Wickerbottom muttered. If there was anything that needed doing, they could stay a while longer. They ended up having plenty of time, after all.

"What? We could escape right now, what's keeping you?" Mumsy asked, shocked that Wilson hadn't immediately unlocked the gateway.

"I mean, it's not like cooking is my specialty or anything, but… It's been so long since I've done it, ya know? It's just… really comforting." He muttered, staring to the key with a heartbreaking kind of hurt in his eyes. Wickerbottom immediately understood, her eyes softening.

Although they had a crockpot back in the base in the Constant, being able to use an oven and a grill again was an experience that none of the survivors had been able to take part in for a long time. Wickerbottom could understand why that would be comforting to him.

"What do you mean by that? Were you unable to cook back in your home?" Mumsy asked, tilting her head a bit in confusion.

"Ah, no, not quite. Um, how do I explain this…" Wilson muttered. He looked to the bipedal volt goat, trying to find the best explanation of their situation.

"Well, of course we cooked back at home, but we haven't been there in a long time. You see, a voice on the radio," Wilson shot a glare at Maxwell, "lured us away from home, into a world where we had nothing and had to fight to survive. So we haven't exactly been able to cook like this in a long time."

Mumsy looked at Wilson with wide eyes, understanding. "Oh my, that's terrible. I'm sorry that you had to endure that." She sighed. "Well, I suppose that we do have time. Very well. If you wish to remain here for a while longer and cook more, you may."

Wilson grinned brightly. "Thank you."

Wickerbottom nodded. "I may as well help out."

Maxwell glanced between the two, before grinning a bit. "Fuck that, I'm gonna keep chopping trees!"

Wickerbottom looked to the man for a moment, seeing his wide smile. She honestly had no idea why he was having so much fun with this, it was comical to her. This may just be the happiest she'd seen the man. And she had no idea why.

"What, are you going to chop down literally every tree here?" She teased, grinning. Maxwell looked at her for a moment, eyes widening before a huge smile spread across his face. Wickerbottom froze, wondering what idea he'd just had.

"Join me."

"YES."

Wilson froze, looking to Wickerbottom with wide eyes.

"I-I mean, uh, I don't know, that seems rather silly…" Wickerbottom said, backtracking a bit, slightly embarrassed by her own sudden enthusiasm.

"Yeah, that seems completely unnecessary! Who knows when the next time we'll get a chance to cook will be, why pass it up for… tree chopping?" Wilson exclaimed, eyes wide.

"Eh, fuck him, come on! Deforestation!" Maxwell grinned, looking to Wickerbottom with a wide, hopeful smile unlike any other she'd ever seen on the man. She felt giddy, giggling a bit. "This is ridiculous."

"So what? Let's do it anyway."

Maxwell grinned wider, outstretching a hand to the librarian. Wilson looked disbelieving as Wickerbottom glanced between the two, wondering why the hell she was considering this.

He felt even more baffled as she took his hand, giggling, calling out "Let's go!" and dashing out into the forest with the former shadow king.

The woman turned around at the edge of the forest. "Call me if you need anything!" She grinned back to him, before continuing onwards.

Wilson stood there, disbelieving and silent. "It's okay dear, I'll help you cook." Mumsy comforted, placing a hoof (hand?) on his shoulder.

He sighed. "Thanks, Mumsy. You're somehow the sanest person here."

 **…**

Wickerbottom and surprisingly Maxwell were both giggling maniacally as they dashed through the forest. "We need to get me an axe!" Wickerbottom exclaimed, hyped up. Maxwell nodded, and the two made their way to the pig village to trade with the Elder Boar.

"HMM? HELLO, LITTLE GOATS."

"Hewwo!" Wickerbottom chirped as Maxwell presented some of the wood he'd chopped earlier. "Can we get an axe?" He asked.

The boar nodded, handing Maxwell an axe, which he passed to Wickerbottom.

They were making their way back to the forest when the librarian paused, turning to the elder.

"Oh by the way, the old key works again."

"WHAT?!" The elder cried out, shooting up. "Yeah, we need some more time before we can actually go though. Actually, do you mind telling everyone else about this for us? We'll be… doing something."

The boar nodded, unable to do much else, absolutely SHOOK.

"Thank you!"

The elder boar, and a good portion of the villagers who'd overheard the exchange, stared after Wickerbottom as she skipped off back into the forest merrily.

She looked around for a moment before spotting Maxwell, walking up to him with a grin. He grinned back. They've never been this friendly with each other before. They nodded to one another, grinning, before turning and chopping trees, both going the opposite direction.

Wickerbottom had never felt more energized, and she suspected Maxwell felt the same, as they were both felling trees at remarkable speeds. Wickerbottom was chopping into a grove of trees when she noticed the Codex Umbra.

She'd wondered where that went, Maxwell didn't seem to be using any loggers for a while now. She tried to open it up, dropping it by a grove of trees as Maxwell seemed to do to summon the loggers. It did absolutely nothing.

"Hey, can you use the Codex?" She called out. Maxwell paused. "I kinda lost it…" He muttered.

"Well I kinda found it, it won't work for me!" She called back. He paused, walking over and picking up the book. She giggled. How he'd lost it, she had no idea, but it was a good thing they'd found it now. He wouldn't have left without it.

He dropped down the book, doing absolutely nothing different than she had, and summoned the shadow logger with ease, that magical motherfucker. Both Maxwell and the shadow started chopping through the grove, Wickerbottom quickly following suit. As soon as the grove cleared, Max took the Codex to a new patch of trees, working with the shadows and chopping the trees down, felling them in a row.

"Okay, you and Codex Senpai chop down the trees and I'll dig up the stumps!" She called to him. He nodded, giving a thumbs up as the shadow continued to work.

Wickerbottom started digging up the stumps, accidentally picking up a log by reflex.

She paused. They'd worry about picking up the logs later, she decided, what was important right now was Deforestation (™).

She dropped the log and moved onto the next stump, noticing Wilson sacrificing a plate of meatballs in the distance. He was feeding the Gnaw much more slowly, now that he didn't have any reason to feel pressured.

The Elder Boar was watching him, having sat down again while the villagers informed everyone that the key was recharged. Wickerbottom was glad that he wouldn't need to suffer here any longer, considering what had happened to him here in the past.

She certainly didn't know the whole story, but she was able to piece together some key details from the way everyone had spoken. It was likely that he had lost his eye to the plague that Pipton and Sammy talked about.

He had at least been affected it, judging by the scales covering his hands.

But now wasn't a time for questions. Now was a time for fun. Childlike glee in doing something absolutely fucking ridiculous. AKA, removing a whole fucking forest from this island.

"Deforestation!" Maxwell cried out, and Wickerbottom turned to see the Codex take out the last tree on the island.

"Fuck yeah! Only you can prevent forest fires!" She cried out, just as excited as Maxwell.

"Woah…" She heard from behind her, grinning as she saw Wilson staring at the cleared area with wide eyes.

"Nani the fuck?" Wilson muttered.

"We still need to gather all of the wood and clear out the rest of the stumps, we aren't done yet!" Wickerbottom cheered. Wilson looked to her and nodded a bit, helping out. She grinned as she continued to clear out the rest of the stumps.

Now, there weren't any even left by Maxwell. Only a few surrounding the now-abandoned village, that the pigs presumably chopped down.

Maxwell followed her, giggling and picking up the spare wood.

"This is the last one." Wilson said, pointing down to the last tiny stump. Wickerbottom grinned, and shoved her shovel under it. She did a shovel shove.

Voices (mostly Maxwell) cheered out as the last stump was removed from the forest.

"Okay, I'm going to the altar, come on." Wilson told them. "We still need to clear out the rest of the wood!" Wickerbottom cried out, already moving to clean up the scattered logs.

"You're gonna die." Wilson sighed, looking back at the two worriedly and making his way back to Mumsy, who'd been watching the exchange from a distance.

"It's alright, let them have their fun."

Wickerbottom and Maxwell scrambled to pick up the last of the wood, making conversation as they did so.

"Oh my, the Gnaw is getting really impatient. Wilson needs to feed it something."

"We ran out of red marks making the Macaroni and Cheese." Maxwell replied, nervous of the frowning gnaw looking over them.

"I know, we just need to just sate its hunger for a moment, it doesn't need to be anything good. I mean, it's really getting impatient."

Maxwell gulped audibly. Wickerbottom froze as the Gnaw let out a piercing growl from above them, scooping up the last of the wood on the ground.

"GO, GO!" Maxwell screeched, knowing that if they didn't leave now they'd die in about two seconds.

Wilson didn't hesitate for a moment, shoving the key into the altar forcefully. The ground shook as the inky black pool they'd first emerged from to get here revealed itself.

"The gateway is open!" Mumsy cried out, throwing her hooves (hands?) in the air triumphantly. Maxwell and Wickerbottom stopped beside it, panting, knowing that they were safe.

"Quickly now, we must make haste back to your world!"

"We'll all be right behind you!" Billy chimed in.

Maxwell, Wickerbottom, and Wilson looked to the crowd of people by the portal, knowing they helped them all escape from here.

The trio felt various degrees of emotion seeing them. Maxwell was the least shaken, but although it didn't seem to outwardly affect him much but he felt rather proud of himself on the inside. Wilson, on the other hand, was visibly verging on tears, knowing with pride that he'd led these people to their freedom. Wickerbottom was somewhere in between.

They jumped into the portal together, Maxwell and Wickerbottom with their arms full of logs, everyone else pouring through the gateway behind them.

The last thing that the trio saw before jumping through the portal was the clearing that was once a forest.

"Deforestation for the win." Maxwell whispered to himself a moment before diving into the inky pool of a portal.

 _ **This was much less of an absolute crackfic than I expected. Hmm. Also, did anyone else notice that the Elder Boar had merm hands? When I noticed it it I was SHOOK. Same with the fact that Billy and Mumsy aren't just regular goat people, they're VOLT GOAT people. Also Billy's name is a pun, since he's a goat child, which is called a billy. Knowledge.**_


End file.
